Game of Thrones is starting again tomorrow – which I’m sure you already knew – but while I am ridiculously excited about this. Turns out I have no way to watch it, at least not live anyway, so this is my advice.
The advice still stands if you have read the books – as I have, do you really want to know how quickly they’re going to do things for the TV show? Which bits they’re going to miss out and move around? Because people who have watched it will tell you – At Length.
And because you’re such a polite person, you will not be able to think of a way out of the conversation, you will just have to sit there and listen to the spoilers, vainly hoping someone will sneak up behind them and knock them out with a frying pan.
1. Wear Headphones.
Constantly at all times. Even in your sleep. Whether you’re actually listening to something is up to you, people will be less likely to talk to you if you’re wearing headphones, because they’ll realise you’re a anti-social weirdo and avoid you because of that. Mutual avoiding, you can’t go wrong really.
2. Shun The Humans
This is extremely useful as it will make you want to watch the thing as quick as you can, not just so you can be the one giving out spoilers, but also so you can have human contact again. Shunning humans is very important for spoilers though, because people are idiots. Chances are even if you tell them you haven’t seen the programme yet. They will then say something along the lines of:
“Oh well, when you do, you’ll cry when this happened!”
The mere fact that you told them you didn’t know what happened made them tell you exactly what happened! Why? Because people are idiots. I am a person and I have done this, so I have proof.
Even if they don’t tell you exactly what happens, they might just say “you’re gonna cry when you watch it!” that is still just as bad, because I’m going to watch the entire thing waiting for something sad to happen, which will inevitably make it less sad when it does, because I’ve been expecting it for the last half an hour! Again, people are idiots, shun them until you are sure you are safe from their idiocy.
3. Do Not Go On The Internet.
This is pointless to even try, you will go on the internet, and probably end up finding the exact thing you’ve been trying to avoid, but this time it will be worse, because you’ll know that it wasn’t someone else telling you the story against your will. It’s your fault. You clicked the link, thinking “maybe t won’t have spoilers in it, I can just read the first line! The first line will be fine!” But, then the first line isn’t a complete sentence, so you read the next line and the next, and then you know exactly what happens by your own stupidity, I did say people were idiots didn’t I.
Forget it, just go to sleep for a day and half, that’s the only surefire way to not find out what happens, also you get to sleep for a day and a half – and who wouldn’t want that?